Analysts Shake It Up with Next Gen Services

Harvester Magic Kingdom

Harvester Research Introduces ForceSales.com services that usher in several services such as Gratuitous Advice as a Service (GAaaS), Compromised Research as a Service (CRaaS), and Bad Ideas as a Service (BIaaS) under the new umbrella Analyst as a Service (AaaS).

Revolutionizes analyst industry with Analyst as a Service

Somerville, Mass., April 1, 2009—Harvester Research, a ground-breaking new industry analyst firm, unveiled ForceSales.com, the world’s first Analyst-as-a-Service (AaaS) offering, that allows companies to directly purchase the research they desire over the web. Compared with traditional analyst offerings, ForceSales.com provides companies with the research they need faster, at a lower cost, and without irksome analyst interaction.

“The founding team and I all left traditional analyst firms to build an Analyst 2.0 firm,” explained Harvester Research CEO George “Tony” Gideon. “We took our own advice about using technology to improve the customer experience and eliminate the inefficient steps in our business processes. Our motto is ‘No Analysts.’ We’re redefining the whole industry.”

ForceSales.com is ideal for both technology buyers and sellers
ForceSales.com technology allows buyers to instantly generate the independent research they need to confirm their foregone conclusions.

Jim Groundhog, a CIO for AIG Group, applauds the new service. “When we were making a big decision, we could never get those dumb analysts at other firms to say what we needed to protect our butts. But with Harvester’s new AaaS service, we can get exactly what we pay for. I’m glad the analyst industry is catching up to the financial
industry in its application of Ethics 2.0. It will really help accelerate the pace of innovation in our economy.”

ForceSales.com also allows technology vendors to publish their marketing materials directly as independent third-party advice through a fast and easy web interface. Eileen Dragon, a former analyst relations director for several software companies with revenue in excess of the GDP of Sweden, also approves ForceSales.com’s new approach.
“Analysts were a pain. Whatever we paid them, they never got it right. ForceSales.com allows companies to really integrate marketing and sales with analyst relations, so we can directly tie increased sales back to spending on analyst boondoggles.”

ForceSales.com eclipses all current research services

ForceSales.com incorporates all the best analyst business models in a single Analyst 2.0 firm. “ForceSales.com offers Gratuitous Advice as a Service (GAaaS), Compromised Research as a Service (CRaaS), and Bad Ideas as a Service (BIaaS), combined in a single AaaS offering,” according to Ryan Onderdonk, Chief Ethics Officer for Harvester Research. “We do it all. Customers can select whether they want research published in a Harvester Fave™, Magic Kingdom™, or Dream Cycle™ format.” The Harvester Fave, Magic Kingdom, and Dream Cycle are the next generation of today’s most popular analyst reports.

The Harvester Fave™ ushers in era of real-time rankings
The Harvester Fave™ evaluates vendors and segments them for today’s technology buyer. Each Harvester Fave™ is built on an open methodology and straightforward algorithm that exposes raw vendor payment, key personal connection, and popularity weightings in an interactive, web-based spreadsheet. A vendor can improve its ranking
directly by gaming the proprietary ranking engine licensed from Google.

 The Harvester Wave

 

The Harvester Magic Kingdom™ makes buying technology fun
The Harvester Magic Kingdom™ depicts markets in the middle phases of their lifecycle by using a two-dimensional matrix that evaluates vendors based on their compliantness of vision and ability to compensate. The Magic Kingdom™ places vendors in one of four quadrants: Adventureland, Frontierland, Tomorrowland, or Fantasyland.

Harvester Magic Kingdom

The Harvester Dream Cycle™ satisfies technology Luddites
The Harvester Dream Cycle™ analyzes how customers are lulled into deep sleep by the promises of vendors. The Dream Cycle identifies technologies that are highly soporific, estimates how long it will take for customers to wake up, and helps organizations diagnose their current stage of denial.

Harvester Dream Cycle

Independent analysts endorse ForceSales.com
According to Harvester Research quote server QS14, “What they’ve done is nothing short of amazing. This represents a whole new paradigm for this multibillion-dollar market.”

Harvester quote server QS84 went even further, saying, “Two thumbs up! I wish I owned stock in this company!”

“It is gratifying to have built the service customers really want,” said the Harvester Research CEO. “Their feedback and guidance has been truly inspirational.”

About Harvester Research
Research and Advice That Flatter: Harvester Research is the first research firm to unite influence peddling and Web 2.0. Founded in 2009, Harvester Research provides Analyst-as-a-Service (AaaS) services to technology vendors and IT executives from any industry that will pay us. To learn more about our revolutionary AaaS, visit www.forcesales.com/aprilfools.

 

HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY!!!

I can not take credit for this incredibly funny piece of work, it’s been floating around the Internet today. I am not sure exactly where or who it originated from.  If you anyone know, please reach out so I can give the proper attribution. But I got it in my private inbox not too long ago and thought this would brighten up your day with a good laugh.

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